Starting Over...Again!!
In 2009 my life was plunged into the greatest pit of despair that I had ever imagined I might face. At that time, I went through all manner of emotional lows that one goes through in such situations. I became angry with God, I walked away from him, I asked myself why I ever believed in the things that I had all my life. I dabbled in the things of the world, and in the end I found myself emptier than I had ever been in my life. At that time I realized that God was not the source of my problems, and that even through my anger and bitterness with Him, He had walked beside me, and was ready and waiting with open arms to bring me back to Him.
Upon surrendering my life back to His will, I walked through a journey of healing and restoration, and am so thankful for the friends and family that God placed in my path to help me through those difficult days. They were not pretty, and only those that walked with me can truly relate to the ugliness that was my reality during that time.
After 2 1/2 years, this past May I decided to take the plunge and move on to what I believed was newer and better things for my life. A fresh start, a new day. I took a step of faith and moved along with my family to a new city, a new job, a new life.
I guess I did this with some amount of naivety with regards to the challenges that I would face with this change. I think I believed that in making the move everything in my life would then fall together and I would just have to simply follow the yellow brick road that God had laid before me. I entered this city believing that finally I had arrived.
Boy was I ever WRONG!!
Since making this move, I cannot even begin to tell you the challenges that I have faced. It seems that day after day there is one thing after another. I sit sometimes and wonder - "God, where in the world are you in this?? What is UP?? This is not how this was supposed to be!!".
In July I started to blog from a book by Beth Moore entitled Believing God. In it Beth outlines a challenge for trusting in God to take you from the place that you are currently in to your Promised Land, all based upon holding up the shield of faith against the fiery darts of the enemy. Thinking at the time that I had already found my Promised Land, I very eagerly started to write. I made it through three weeks of writing and then absolutely FROZE!! You see, things began falling apart and my own shield became so heavy. In that moment the enemy took full advantage of my weakness, and came in with an attack that has taken me right off my fighting feet and landed me flat on my face. I mean, how could I minister to others about faith and claiming your victory when here I was living in defeat.
My next week of writing was supposed to be on a truth that the enemy has thrown up at me so many times, and I just could not bring myself to believe it enough to write the words for others to see. Given my own feelings about myself and the struggles in my life that I was facing at the time, there was no way that I could write. And so I didn't, instead I pulled the covers over my head and allowed the enemy to fire his darts at me one after the other.
Doesn't that seem easier sometimes? Does anyone else ever get feeling that they just don't have the energy to fight anymore? I know that I am not the only one. In Psalm 55 v6, David says "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest" (NASB). Can anybody relate??
David knew, however, where to find his strength. In Psalm 57 v1 he says "Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me, For my soul takes refuge in you; And in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge. Until destruction passes by." (NASB). How grateful I am that no matter what the circumstances and no matter how long I wait, trying to find my own way out of my destruction, He is always there waiting for me. And that I can find rest in the shadow of His Almighty wings.
So what was the next truth I was supposed to write about? "I am who God says I am" - what a challenge for me. I cannot even begin to tell you how the enemy has had a field day with this truth for me. And in complete honesty, it is still a daily struggle, to believe that I am not the person that I believe I am, or that Satan tells me I am, but that I am the woman that God says I am, a new creation in him.
In her book, Beth has a lot to say about this truth, and it seems that it is something that as believers we all struggle with. My struggle with writing this has been feeling that I had to answer for all of the things that I am or am not as a person, a woman, a christian, in order to feel qualified to even touch on the subject. But the bottom line is, it's not about who I really AM, it's about who God SAYS that I am. And the same is true for you, 2 Corinthians 5:20 says "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold new things have come" (NASB) We do not have to define ourselves by our past mistakes, our present weaknesses, or our faults and inadequacies. Because, the truth is that we are a flawed human race - but through the Grace of our Lord, we are New Creations in Christ Jesus.
To those that waited for my posts over the past couple of months, I apologize. In my weakness I have just not been able to write, and as I waited, the enemy whispered to me that I had failed, and now there is no point. Ugh! But I write today because I do truly believe that the One that is in me, is greater than the one that is in the world (1 John 4:4). So, I'm picking up my sword again, and pressing on.
I'd like to talk more about who we are in Christ. I hope to do that in the weeks to come. For now, I invite those that are struggling with their identity in Christ to watch this series by Beth Moore. This woman's ministry has been such a blessing to me over the years, and this message spoke so strongly to me, and is what has given me the strength to pick up and start again. I believe that it is a word for anyone that is weak in this area of their walk. It is in a total of six short videos, but believe me, it will be time well spent as you sit and take this word in.
Blessings to you, today and always.
Love,
Tammy JOY.
Doesn't that seem easier sometimes? Does anyone else ever get feeling that they just don't have the energy to fight anymore? I know that I am not the only one. In Psalm 55 v6, David says "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest" (NASB). Can anybody relate??
David knew, however, where to find his strength. In Psalm 57 v1 he says "Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me, For my soul takes refuge in you; And in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge. Until destruction passes by." (NASB). How grateful I am that no matter what the circumstances and no matter how long I wait, trying to find my own way out of my destruction, He is always there waiting for me. And that I can find rest in the shadow of His Almighty wings.
So what was the next truth I was supposed to write about? "I am who God says I am" - what a challenge for me. I cannot even begin to tell you how the enemy has had a field day with this truth for me. And in complete honesty, it is still a daily struggle, to believe that I am not the person that I believe I am, or that Satan tells me I am, but that I am the woman that God says I am, a new creation in him.
In her book, Beth has a lot to say about this truth, and it seems that it is something that as believers we all struggle with. My struggle with writing this has been feeling that I had to answer for all of the things that I am or am not as a person, a woman, a christian, in order to feel qualified to even touch on the subject. But the bottom line is, it's not about who I really AM, it's about who God SAYS that I am. And the same is true for you, 2 Corinthians 5:20 says "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold new things have come" (NASB) We do not have to define ourselves by our past mistakes, our present weaknesses, or our faults and inadequacies. Because, the truth is that we are a flawed human race - but through the Grace of our Lord, we are New Creations in Christ Jesus.
To those that waited for my posts over the past couple of months, I apologize. In my weakness I have just not been able to write, and as I waited, the enemy whispered to me that I had failed, and now there is no point. Ugh! But I write today because I do truly believe that the One that is in me, is greater than the one that is in the world (1 John 4:4). So, I'm picking up my sword again, and pressing on.
I'd like to talk more about who we are in Christ. I hope to do that in the weeks to come. For now, I invite those that are struggling with their identity in Christ to watch this series by Beth Moore. This woman's ministry has been such a blessing to me over the years, and this message spoke so strongly to me, and is what has given me the strength to pick up and start again. I believe that it is a word for anyone that is weak in this area of their walk. It is in a total of six short videos, but believe me, it will be time well spent as you sit and take this word in.
Blessings to you, today and always.
Love,
Tammy JOY.
